This section is dedicated to golfing jokes, quotes and anything funny to do with the game of Golf………..let’s get started:
A guy is putting out on the 14th when he sees a funeral procession moving past on the main road. He stops, takes off his hat and bows his head until the procession has passed. His playing partner says “Well Bill, that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever seen you do” Bill replies, “Yeah, well, she was a good wife”!!
If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse
Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one
more club or two more balls.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top
and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
Hazards attract. Fairways repel.
For Driving
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn’t have taken a driver
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn’t make it over the water
A Michael Jackson - great at the beginning but gradually fading
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to be a good result
An Alistair Campbell - too much spin
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
A Condom - safe but didn’t feel real good
An elephant’s arse - it’s high; and it stinks
A mistress - I’m up there, but I know that I shouldn’t be
Does your husband play? - for when a man hits a short tee shot
For the Short Game
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you’re not expecting it
An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker
A Paris Hilton - a bloody expensive hole
A Kate Moss - thinned it
For the Short Game
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you’re not expecting it
An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker
A Paris Hilton - a bloody expensive hole
A Kate Moss - thinned it
A Dennis Wise - a nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn’t
A Cuban - needs one more revolution.
Post your gags for all to see!!
